Tin Foil Hats at UK Radio Festival

Michael Hedges July 6, 2006

With the World Cup wrapping up and summer holidays set to begin the UK’s Radio Festival finally gives us the media news we’ve been waiting for : CONSPIRACY THEORIES.

Media Guardian’s Julia Day reported the big story : a BBC man says there’s a conspiracy. This was welcome news here at ftm world headquarters in Switzerland, home of the world’s greatest conspiracy theories. Nothing beats getting out the tin foil hats.

Actually, according to Ms Day’s diligent reporting, it was BBC Radio London’s David Robey who talked up a conspiracy behind RAJAR’s secret tests of electronic measurement devices.  

"There could be a conspiracy theory,” disclosed Mr. Robey and reported by Ms Day, showing “the big brands could have lost audience and smaller brands gained audience.” After telling the Radio Festival that RAJAR’s methods are “fundamentally flawed,” he went on to exclaim: “it's not in the interests of big businesses to get worse results."

There it is: the making of a great conspiracy theory.

“It's a grave misassumption that the current system is fundamentally flawed,” retorted RAJAR Managing Director Sally de la Bedoyere. “What is leading you to discredit the system is probably the volatility of data - and that is always there because of the sampling, not the system.”

Did you notice that Ms de la Bedoyere did not address the conspiracy? Have you noticed that Ms de la Bedoyere bears a strong likeness to outted CIA agent Valerie Plame? Do you remember that Jane O’Hara, Ms de la Bedoyere’s predecessor at RAJAR, left in a boat for the Caribbean? Inquiring minds want to know!

ftm media conspiracy central knows the reason those RAJAR tests were secret. The device suppliers asked for and received confidentiality agreements. Nobody wants “defects” revealed. WAIT: that may have been in a press release. That “secret” delay: try to focus on RAJAR’s mission. Results – like big broadcasters down and little broadcasters up – are irreverent to RAJAR’s process.  The object is securing for all broadcasters a system of measurement that withstands statistical scrutiny.

BBC and the big UK commercial broadcasters certainly keep big secrets. These are only rarely revealed to ftm media conspiracy central. And, of course, we’re sworn to secrecy. We can reveal that “nobody in their right mind” will buy Radio 1 and Radio 2 for £500 million….except, maybe, a Russian football team owner.

If you are still convinced: check out Wikipedia and Mean World Syndrome.

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